im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I could fuck to npr.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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