Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
