FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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