When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
