I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
