she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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