my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
