Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
