Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
