okay pat passed out under dana's car
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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