I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
