Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
