we have officially lost it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
