even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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