I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
