Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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