haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
