my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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