Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
