Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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