there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
