i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
