ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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