We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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