i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
