It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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