I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
