How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
