i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
