Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
