On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
