...so i touched it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
