good thing vaginas are great cup holders
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
