So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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