I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
