If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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