He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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