do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
