Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
