She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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