Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
