This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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