she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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