What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
