I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
