i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
