Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
