You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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