Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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