While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
