at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
